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Self-dating is a new trend that is taking the internet by storm, Glamour explains. Popularized by content creators across social media platforms, videos and posts about going on date with oneself have millions of views. Self dating isn’t just an enjoyable way to spend your time, it also comes with a host of benefits. Here’s the scoop on going out with yourself.
What is self-dating?
Solo dating is exactly what it sounds like. It means treating oneself to activities and nights out that are typically done with a romantic partner. Psychologist Jenna Brownfield explains to Glamour, “We use dating to get to know someone and build a relationship with them. With solo dating, you’re getting to know yourself and deepen the relationship with yourself.”
“It might include treating yourself like you would treat someone you’re dating:” she continues, “spending undistracted attention on yourself, being curious about yourself, planning fun activities, or going to enjoyable restaurants or coffee shops.”
Solo dating isn’t just an activity for singles who haven’t yet found their special someone. Even those already in a relationship can benefit from dating themselves. For example, Glamour deputy editor Anna Moeslein tells Glamour about the time her husband gifted her a self date for Valentine’s Day as a romantic gesture.
“For Valentine’s Day, my husband actually paid for me to have a staycation while he watched our infant twins at home,” Moeslein shared. “I sat at a bar alone and ate steak, drank wine, and read the latest Sarah J. Maas book. It was the most romantic thing he could have done for me.”
The benefits of solo dating
Solo dating isn’t just fun. There are numerous benefits that come from dating and falling in love with oneself. Roxy Zarrabi, a clinical psychologist, tells Glamour that solo dating can help prevent those frustrated with the dating process from getting burnt out.
“People are recognizing the importance of investing in their relationship with themselves and trying activities they want to experience instead of putting them on hold while waiting for a partner to join them,” Zarrabi explains. “Additionally, it’s easy to become burnt out with modern dating, and many people are taking breaks from dating apps because they notice how it’s affecting their mood and want to spend time more intentionally.”
Brownfield adds that solo dating gives individuals a chance to unplug from the increasingly connected world around them. “Our current digital age and social media culture leaves us with little privacy,” Brownfield tells Glamour. “Solo dating is a way to reclaim a private life, something that’s just for you, outside the eyes and judgments of others.”
Brownfield adds that solo dating allows individuals to “reclaim” shared activities without succumbing to peer pressure. “You get to do something enjoyable without it depending on others’ availability. You get to know more about yourself. You learn what things you like or don’t like without the social pressure of other people’s opinions and without trying to impress someone,” she explains.
Spending time alone helps people to avoid falling into the trap of needing constant validation from others. “We all benefit from validation, and it’s not unusual to seek it.” Zarrabi says in a comment to Glamour. “However, seeking external validation can become an issue when you’re not able to provide yourself with any internal validation.”
“There is self-compassion, but there is also really liking yourself and enjoying time with yourself,” Zakeri adds. “By solo dating, you get to know yourself deeper and change your relationship with yourself.”
Elsa Cavazos, a self-dater from California agrees. “More people should be doing this, “ she tells Glamour. “It’s really healthy to learn how to enjoy your own company. If you don’t like to be with yourself, then why would other people want to be with you?”
Getting started with self dating
Before planning a date with yourself, there are a few tips you should know. A blog on Health Means Wealth shares that just because you are going it alone doesn’t mean you shouldn’t make an effort. Make it special. Prepare, do your research, and get dressed up before the date. And, leave your phone behind or turn it off.
Well + Good adds that you should “ask yourself out.” That means connect with yourself and explore your interests so you can cater the date to what you would enjoy and benefit from. There are so many options for fun, relaxing, adventurous, meditative, and entertaining solo dates, so don’t forget to ask yourself what you would prefer.
Here are 45 examples of things that you can do on your own.
Treat yourself to a nice dinner: Health Means Wealth suggests getting dressed up and enjoying a fancy restaurant, just you and yourself.
Or, dine in: Why not spend your evening cooking a nice, romantic meal for yourself. Test out a new recipe or get creative in the kitchen.
Enjoy snacks and a movie: If cooking isn’t your thing, you can still enjoy an evening at home, snuggled up on the sofa with a bowl of popcorn and a new movie.
Visit a coffee shop: Treat yourself to a latte and start your morning on the right track.
Attend a food festival: There is almost no limit to the food related dates you can go out with yourself on. Discover new cuisines and spices at a food festival.
Or, learn to cook: Attend a cooking class to learn how to make some of these tasty treats at home.
Attend a wine tasting: You can even go next level by visiting a vineyard and learning about how the wines are made.
Get out into nature: Head into the great outdoors for fresh air and exercise. Go out on a nature hike or spend time at the botanical gardens. Smell the fresh air and see the sights.
Spend a night under the stars: Go camping or stargazing. Somehow, problems seems so small when compared to the vast expanse of the universe.
Go on a sunrise or sunset date: Well+Good suggests heading out just in time to see the sky painted in a kaleidoscope of colors.
Tour your city: Sometimes it’s possible to live somewhere for years but never really see your city. Solo dating is a great opportunity to take advantage of the adventures right outside your front door.
Head to a local park: Enjoy the outdoors and spend some time people watching, daydreaming, and reflecting.
Go biking: Health Means Wealth suggests taking a long solo bike ride through a new part of the city or in nature.
Head to the beach: Relax in the sun, sand, and surf.
Or, go to an amusement park: There are more “thrilling” and less” relaxing” ways to enjoy going out. Spend the day with roller coasters, ferris wheels, cotton candy, and yourself.
Rock climb: Take your self love to new heights.
Go skiing or snowboarding: Feel the snow and rush and thrill of the mountain.
Head to a comedy show: Spend the evening laughing.
Attend a music festival: Dance, sing, and sway to exciting music tracks. Even though you are dating yourself, you may walk away with some new friends.
Take me out to the ballgame: Take yourself to a sports venue to enjoy the excitement of the game. Don’t forget to “root, root, root for the hometeam.”
Take a road trip: Go somewhere fun, exotic, interesting, or beautiful. Enjoy the solidarity of the road and the adventures around you.
Go swimming or join a fitness class: Solo date and get a workout at the same time.
Practice watersports: You can swim, surf, kayak or canoe. There’s just something so fun and relaxing about being near the water.
Hit up the theater: Dress up for an entertaining cultural evening.
Learn something new at a museum: Spend your date exploring the world around you.
Book yourself into a hotel: Take the night off and head to a nice hotel filled to the brim with amenities.
Get lost in a good book: Go to the bookstore or the library
Shop or thrift: Spend your date at a mall, antique story, thrift shop, or flea market. You never know what hidden treasures you may find.
Go to a trampoline park: It’s a fun and high-energy workout.
Volunteer at an animal shelter: “Cheat” on the solo aspect and spend your day giving love to puppies and kittens.
Volunteer at a soup kitchen: Spend time giving back. Date yourself by helping others.
Take a dance class: It doesn’t always take two to tango.
Or, dance at home: Well+Good suggests putting on a good beat and swaying to the music from the comfort of your own house.
Do a spa night: Health is Wealth recommends putting on some relaxing music, lighting some scented candles, and pampering yourself.
Go out for a spa day: Enjoy some well-deserved pampering.
Play a game: There are many solo board games that can be enjoyed on a night in. Or download a new app or video game and treat yourself.
Host a photoshoot: Use the timer button on your camera and fun props and costumes.
Learn something new: Sign up for an online course. Learn a new language or explore a hobby.
Spend time journaling: Get in touch with your inner thoughts and feelings.
Or, write poetry: This is another way to get in touch with your emotions and express yourself in a creative way.
Attend a poetry slam: And listen to other’s thoughts and ideas.
Paint night at home: All it takes is some supplies, a canvas, a Youtube how-to video, and a glass of wine.
Head to a hot spring: Relax in the warm and soothing waters.
Take up yoga or meditation: Be fully present and feel your stillness and breath
Take a hot bath: Let the tension leave your body.
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